girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize