Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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