I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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