I need help removing her.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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