I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
