I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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