Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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