Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
