Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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