I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize