My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
