im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
