fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
