you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize