I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize