No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
