you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
