And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
