Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
