The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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