Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize