Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
