i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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