it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
