No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
