Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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