If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
