STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize