im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
