I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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