i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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