Your dad touched me again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
as a side note pls kill me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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