Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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