omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
