the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
