I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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