I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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