while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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