Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
