At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
