"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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