Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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