I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
