I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
