Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
