drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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