So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
