i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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