You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
