If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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