I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
