he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
