i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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