Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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