I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
