Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
