so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
