I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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