You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
