"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
