I'm drive I can fine osifer
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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