I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
