No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
