We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
